By Claire Lerner and Rebecca Parlakian
My 2-year-old is loved and well cared for by my husband and me. She has not been abused or exposed to violence. So why does she have bad dreams? For some reason my daughter has had three nightmares in the past two months.
Just like adults, children work out confusing or difficult feelings and experiences through their dreams. At 2, children are active participants in the world around them and are taking in so much all of the time. We can’t know how they are processing all that they are exposed to. Naturally, some of what they see and experience is difficult for them to make sense of. This can be scary. For example, you might read a book together that has a picture of an animal that your child finds frightening. Or you may come across an object that you don’t find scary at all (like a tractor mowing the lawn at the park), but that your child finds terrifying. Later, these “characters” may find their way into your child’s dreams.
At age 2, children do not fully understand the difference between fantasy and reality, which can lead to an increase in fears. These sometimes get expressed through dreams and nightmares. It can help your child to describe what happened in the dream and how it made her feel. Talking about feelings helps your child understand and get control over them. But don’t be worried if your 2-year-old can’t verbalize or give a lot of detail about her dream her language skills are still developing. Another way to help young children express and work through feelings is through pretend play. If you join your child in her play, and follow her lead, she will tell you a lot about what she is thinking and feeling through the stories she creates and acts out.
It can also be very helpful to give your child strategies for dealing with her fears of things that “go bump in the night.” You can do a room check to show her that no monsters are lurking in the closet or under the bed. You can give a good “anti-monster spray” to her room, or do a “no monsters” dance. You might help her make something that keeps the bad guys away that you can hang in her room, like a sign to put over her bed. Or see if she can come up with some ideas of her own. Avoid the temptation to tell her that monsters aren’t real, as they feel very real to her in her dreams. Negating her feelings is likely to lead to an increase, not a decrease, in her fears.
Also keep in mind that nightmares may occur more frequently when children are experiencing some unusual stress or anxiety. Sometimes changes like the addition of a sibling, a new caregiver, or the move to a new house can create uncertainty in very young children that gets expressed through nightmares.
