By Claire Lerner and Rebecca Parlakian
Recently, we switched my almost 3-year-old to a “big girl bed.” My one fear was that she’d start coming into our room in the middle of the night and that is exactly what has happened. How do we nip this habit in the bud?
It is not at all unusual for toddlers recently liberated from crib to bed to start wandering at night. Fearless explorers that they are, they’re determined to exercise their new found freedom and prolong their daytime fun.
Look at the situation from your child’s perspective: She may love her new bed and enjoy feeling like a “big girl.” But her bed is also new and unfamiliar, and perhaps not as cozy as her crib. When she wakes, as we all do in the middle of the night, she can’t rely on her old familiar crib to help her fall back asleep. There are no “walls” around her to make her feel contained, her blankets and sheets have changed, and the view is different too. When it’s nighttime and she feels unsure in her big girl bed, you’re the one she wants for reassurance. All she has to do is simply stroll down the hall to reach her goal—YOU.
If you want to put an end to these nighttime visits, the key is sensitivity plus consistency. At bedtime, acknowledge that it is a big change to be sleeping in a bed, but remind her that the rule is that she stays in her bed all through the night.
If she does get out of her bed during the night, gently take her by the hand and walk her back to her room. Tuck her in, but do not sing, rub her back, tell her a story, lay down with her, or do anything that would reward or prolong the interaction. Just warmly remind her: “It’s time to sleep. You need to stay in your bed. See you in the morning.” (In other words, make it a boring visit.)
The following strategies can help your child learn to soothe herself back to sleep during this transition:
Talk about what she can do to help herself fall back asleep during the night. For example, cuddle her “lovey,” think about all of the fun things she did that day, listen to music.
Make a tape of you and your child reading books and singing together. She can then listen to these at bedtime to help make the separation easier. Or you can borrow some children’s stories on tape or CD from the library.
Use bed-rails. Bed-rails give children the illusion of the walls they had when they were in the crib (and can give the bed a cozier feel) .
Have her choose a stuffed animal to help her with the transition. Suggest your child choose a special stuffed animal that can be her “bedtime buddy.” Include her buddy in all of her bedtime routines like reading, singing lullabies, and tucking in at night—as well as at nap-times—so that she associates it with comfort and security.
Try using a night light. When she wakes, she will be able to see her room, get her bearings, and hopefully feel secure enough to go back to sleep on her own.
Give her lots of encouragement. When she does sleep through the night in her own bed, acknowledge this as the accomplishment it is,”You should be so proud of yourself—you were able to sleep all night in your own bed.”
