By Claire Lerner and Rebecca Parlakian
My 2-year-old used to sleep soundly. But since we had a new baby, she has been getting up multiple times a night. This is driving me crazy. What can I do?
While a sibling is a gift to your older child, she doesn’t realize that now. Sharing your attention, your lap, and your love doesn’t seem like much of a gift. Because 2-year-olds don’t have the ability to reflect on and talk about their feelings, they “act out,” expressing their feelings through their behavior. Toddlers who are adjusting to a new baby in the family often regress, or move backward, in one area or another, be it sleep, potty training, or asking for a pacifier or bottle again. Waking at night provides the attention they miss during the day, and the reassurance that they’re still loved and cared for.
To let your toddler know she is still important, make sure both you and your partner each have some one-on-one time with her every day. Make her feel needed and included. Ask her to get diapers or pick out baby’s clothing. When you feed the baby, ask your daughter to pick out a book and turn the pages while you read to her.
At bedtime, be sure to have a very consistent routine for your older child so that she doesn’t become overtired and find it even more difficult to fall and stay asleep. While it’s challenging, avoid postponing bedtime, which often occurs as a family adjusts to having a newborn in the house again. Being overtired can actually make it harder to fall asleep.
When your child wakes at night, keep her in her room and gradually decrease the amount of support she needs to fall back asleep. Peek your head in, tell her everything is okay, and let her know it’s time to go back to sleep. After the second or third waking, call to her from the hallway: “Daddy’s here. Everything’s okay. I love you. Time to go back to sleep.” Decide how many times you’d like to repeat this, then let your child know you are going back to sleep yourself and stop responding. While this can be difficult to do, keep in mind that any attention your child gets for a behavior tends to reinforce that behavior. If you keep responding, she is likely to keep calling out for you, making it difficult for her to settle herself back to sleep.
Another strategy is to sit in her room with her until she falls asleep, but without talking, singing, or cuddling. Each night, move your chair further from her bed until you are completely out of the room. The idea is to let her know she is safe and loved, but not to make waking up at night a rewarding, fun experience.
