During these months, your child sometimes may seem like two separate babies. First there’s the one who’s open, affectionate, and outgoing with you. But then there’s another who’s anxious, clinging, and easily frightened around unfamiliar people or objects. Some people may tell you that your child is fearful or shy because you’re “spoiling” her, but don’t believe it. Her widely diverse behavior patterns aren’t caused by you or your parenting style; they occur because she’s now, for the first time, able to tell the difference between familiar and unfamiliar situations. If anything, the predictable anxieties of this period are evidence of her healthy relationship with you.
Anxiety around strangers is usually one of the first emotional milestones your baby will reach. You may think something is wrong when this child of yours who, at the age of three months, interacted calmly with people she didn’t know is now beginning to tense up when strangers come too close. This is normal for this age, and you need not worry. Even relatives and frequent babysitters with whom your baby was once comfortable may prompt her to hide or cry now, especially if they approach her hastily.
At about the same time, she’ll become much more “clutchy” about leaving you. This is the start of separation anxiety. Just as she’s starting to realize that each object is unique and permanent, she’ll also discover that there’s only one of you. When you’re out of her sight, she’ll know you’re somewhere, but not with her, and this will cause her great distress. She’ll have so little sense of time that she won’t know when—or even whether—you’ll be coming back. Once she gets a little older, her memory of past experiences with you will comfort her when you’re gone, and she’ll be able to anticipate a reunion. But for now she’s only aware of the present, so every time you leave her sight—even to go to the next room—she’ll fuss and cry. When you leave her with someone else, she may scream as though her heart will break. At bedtime, she’ll refuse to leave you to go to sleep, and then she may wake up searching for you in the middle of the night.
Last Updated 8/1/2009
Source Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 (Copyright © 2009 American Academy of Pediatrics)
The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.
