As your baby grows, the way the two of you communicate will vary with his needs and desires. On a day-to-day basis you’ll find that he has three general levels of need, each of which shows a different side of his personality:
- When his needs are urgent—when he’s very hungry or in pain, for instance— he’ll let you know in his own special way, perhaps by screaming, whimpering, or using desperate body language. In time you’ll learn to recognize these signals so quickly that you usually can satisfy him almost before he himself knows what he wants.
- While your baby is peacefully asleep, or when he’s alert and entertaining himself, you’ll feel reassured that you’ve met all his needs for the moment. This will give you a welcome opportunity to rest or take care of other business. The times when he’s playing by himself provide you with wonderful opportunities to observe—from a distance—how he is developing important new skills such as learning to play by himself, reaching, tracking objects, or manipulating his hands. These activities set the stage for learning to self-soothe, which will help him settle down and ultimately sleep through the night. These are especially important skills for more colicky or difficult-to-console babies to learn.
- Each day there will be periods when your baby’s obvious needs are met but he’s still fussy or fitful. He may let you know this with a whine, agitated movements, or spurts of aimless activity between moments of calm. He probably won’t even know what he wants, and any of several responses might help calm him. Playing, talking, singing, rocking, and walking may work sometimes; on other occasions, simply repositioning him or letting him “fuss it out” may be the most successful strategy. You also may find that while a particular response calms him down momentarily, he’ll soon become even fussier and demand more attention. This cycle may not break until you either let him cry a few minutes or distract him by doing something different—for example, taking him outside or feeding him. As trying as these spells can be, you’ll both learn a lot about each other because of them. You’ll discover how your baby likes to be rocked, what funny faces or voices he most enjoys, and what he most likes to look at. He’ll find out what he has to do to get you to respond, how hard you’ll try to please him, and where your limits of tolerance lie.
Over time your baby’s periods of acute need will decrease, and he’ll be able to entertain himself for longer stretches. In part, this is because you’re learning to anticipate and care for many of his problems before he’s uncomfortable. But also, his nervous system will be maturing, and, as a result, he’ll be better able to cope with everyday stresses by himself. With greater control over his body, he’ll be able to do more things to amuse and console himself and he’ll experience fewer frustrations. The periods when he seems most difficult to satisfy probably won’t disappear entirely for a few years, but as he becomes more active, it will be easier to distract him. Ultimately he should learn to overcome these spells on his own.
During these early months, don’t worry about spoiling your baby with too much attention. Observe him closely and respond promptly when he needs you. You may not be able to calm him down every time, but it never hurts to show him how much you care. In fact, the more promptly and consistently you comfort your baby’s fussing in the first six months, the less demanding he’s likely to be when he’s older. At this age, he needs frequent reassurance in order to feel secure about himself and about you. By helping him establish this sense of security now, you’re laying a foundation for the confidence and trust that will allow him gradually to separate from you and become a strong, independent person.
Last Updated 8/1/2009
Source Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 (Copyright © 2009 American Academy of Pediatrics)
The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.
