At what age should I start talking to my child about sex?
Sexuality is part of every person’s life, no matter what the age. As your child grows and develops, she may giggle with friends about “private parts,” share “dirty” jokes, and scan through dictionaries looking up taboo words. Her curiosity is natural, and children of all ages have questions. When she is ready to ask you, as a parent you should be ready to answer.
Where to Begin:
Everyday events will give you plenty of chances to teach your child about topics related to sex. These are called teachable moments. For example, talking about body parts during bath time will be much more effective than talking about body parts during dinner. A pregnancy or birth in the family is a good time to discuss how babies are conceived and born. Watching television with your child may also be a good time to discuss sexuality issues.
Teachable moments can happen anywhere—while shopping, at the movies, or even at the park. Use them when they happen. You won’t need to make a speech. First, find out what your child already knows. Let your child guide the talk with her questions. Some children may not ask for information if they think you might be uneasy with it. Others might test you by asking embarrassing questions. Talk openly, and let your child know she can ask you about anything.
When your child begins to ask questions, the following might make it easier for both of you:
- Don’t laugh or giggle, even if the question is cute. Your child shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed for her curiosity.
- Try not to appear overly embarrassed or serious about the matter.
- Be brief. Don’t go into a long explanation. Answer in simple terms. Your 4-year old doesn’t need to know the details of intercourse.
- Be honest. Use proper names for all body parts.
- See if your child wants or needs to know more. Follow up your answers with, “Does that answer your question?”
- Listen to your child’s responses and reactions.
- Be prepared to repeat yourself.
If you are uneasy talking about sex or answering certain questions, be honest about that too. Consider asking a relative, close family friend, or your pediatrician to help talk to your child.
Last Updated 11/12/2009
Source Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12 (Copyright © 2004 American Academy of Pediatrics)
The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.
